Traveling With a Toddler – Lessons Learned, Part I

Sort of halfways through our trip (not quite, thankfully) I thought I share some lessons learned about traveling with “the boy”. We didn’t do much of anything today that is noteworthy so it seems like a good time. Obviously every child is different and ours is, well, challenging, in some respects (food), normal in others (like not wanting to say “hello” and “thank you” to anybody) and sort of easy in others (he travels well and fairly easily adjusts to new environs).

So here are the lessons in no particular order, just as they come to this somewhat bubbly-clouded mind (Coastline.com is at it again and “Lady in Red” hasn’t played tonight so we are giddy with anticipation).

Having a “home-base” turned out to be a good idea. As routine is important to kids that age it is important to have a familiar surroundings, a place to call home for the time being, a place to go back to after an adventure. It has also has the advantage of taking all the uncertainty out of traveling such as frequent searching for a suitable hotel which has the parents anxious which inevitably means the child picks up on the emotion and starts acting up – when you least need it. Max got really used to the places we lived at, especially since we referred to them as somebody’s house like in Merida we were staying in “Arnie’s house”, in Ernakulam it was “Smita’s apartment” and now it’s “Alan’s house” . It gives him an – although tentative – grasp that this place belongs to somebody and needs to be treated with whatever care a three and a half year old is capable of.

Try and get daycare whenever humanly possible, especially when you are used to take your child to daycare at home. This has two important reasons, firstly, it is another way of adding some normalcy to your child’s live and secondly, you will desperately need the time away from your child to do “grown-up” things and recharge your batteries (after two weeks of Max non-stop I could do with a few hours of “me time”). Also, let’s face it, most of us are just not as good at teaching our kids reading, writing or fine motor skills as the professionals we pay to do it at home. In addition, just having playtime with other kids is important for a child, even if those kids speak Malayam and your kid speaks anything but. They still have a way to communicate that unfortunately we grown-ups have at least partially forgotten or unlearned.

Keep your routine – regardless of where you are: nap-time is still nap-time, lunch time is still lunch time and with the rare exception of red-eye flights chocolate is not an acceptable choice for breakfast. Max tries to negotiate these things :

“Mama, let’s make a deal. I get chocolate for lunch and do not need to take a nap.”

“Max, that isn’t called making a deal as a deal requires both sides to give something and you are only taking.”

“Okay, so I get chocolate for lunch and then I watch some TV.”

“MAX!!! – shut up and eat your broccoli!”

But normally a firm “you got to be kidding, off to bed you go.” Will satisfy him and he will actually comply. Most always, not always and there are exceptions as the above mentioned red-eye flight. After hopping time zones and spending untold hours cramped into tourist class seats most grown-ups don’t know what, when and why they want to eat or sleep so no reason to enforce overly strict rules on a child. His teeth won’t rot instantaneously nor will he have chocolate for lunch the next day (although he might try to “negotiate” it).

Let your child craft his/her universe to some extent. When Max get’s to a new “home” he immediately starts taking all the kitchen tools out and plays with them. He “makes coffee”, “cooks pasta”, “bakes cakes” and declares the salt his firecracker powder, he litters the content of the kitchen all over the living room. I could put it away but he will take it out again as soon as he wakes up and the whole thing starts over. It is his way to establish some normalcy to the whole traveling thing and I believe the price of stumbling over a potato-masher is a price worth paying for having a child that feels reasonably comfortable and secure in his environs. Mind you, I can’t count the times I was swearing at those darn potato-smashers, apple-slicers, carrot-peelers that are everywhere including the bed but in a quiet moment, like now, when I put it in perspective, it is really a small price to pay.

Don’t ever expect to get to see or do anything even if you have had your heart set on it for ages and simply forget about relaxed dinners. Travel like you live at home: if there is a sight to be seen you could see it today but if that doesn’t work you can see it tomorrow, the day after or …. never. Make peace with the fact that you will be spending four weeks at a place and see less of the “must do” sights then the dedicated traveler spending only 5 days there. The only tickets for the Alhambra to be had are at 2 pm and by 2 pm your child gets unbearable because of fatigue – guess what you won’t see the Alhambra. It might break your heart but you simple won’t see it because the price you’d pay for seeing it would be too high and honestly, all you would do is pay a high entry fee and not see anything anyway because your child would be laughing hysterically, throwing stones at passer-bys and roll around the floor in a pile of dog shit. Not worth it.

Relaxed dinner: only at home with the child at sleep or for the few occasions when you find somebody to baby-sit. Else bring books, pencils, coloring books, DVD players and an assortment of DVDs. Maybe then you’ll get to eat a bite or two without having to pretend to explode firecrackers, repair a broken chair or remind your child that is inappropriate to throw food at the guys at the next table.

Choose your location wisely. Merida was perfect, Ernakulam not so, Frigiliana is okay. By and large I’d say be somewhere where you won’t have to take a car, train, plane to get to any place of interest. Matter of fact is that a kid’s patience for transportation is limited and so it’s better to be somewhat in the middle of the action or at least reasonably close than being out there in the boonies where you have to schlep to every place you want to see and everything you want to do. This is obviously especially true for people like me who simple have to do something, anything. If you are and your child are happy to sit an apartment a whole day or two and watch TV, read books and relax this is less important. If you get cabin-fever by noon at the latest pick a location close to the center of a mid-sized town with lots going on (again, Merida as was perfect choice).

The most basic and obvious but maybe the hardest: be sure you and your spouse get along and your relationship won’t strain under different expectations and interests. This trip would be hell if Uli and I were fighting which we rarely do mainly due to the fact that Uli has the patience of a saint and I have learned to bite my tongue on occasion and kissed the notion of taking National Geographic worthy pictures good-bye once and for all. I can’t stress this enough: be sure you are prepared to spend 24/7 together for 6 months before doing this and that – in the end – nothing is more important than being together peacefully and enjoying it – not even taking pictures or hiking up mountains.

Okay, that should be enough to discourage even the boldest from traveling for an extended period of time with a toddler but really, it shouldn’t. It’s not always fun and easy but definitely worth it and the next time to will have the chance to do it is when your child is in college.